Cornish Idiot’s Guide to the Budget

Wozzon with this Budget malarkey? Madderdoit? Here’s the budget made simple.

1) Economic growth

Imagine pasties was money. The more you eat the more you grow. Good for us, inna? Simple.

2) Sustainable growth
Go on eating pasties fer ever. No side effects. ‘Ansum.

3) Inflation
Result of eating too many of they pasties. Leads to quantitative pasty easing. Some scat up!

4) Productivity
Eat your pasties faster, not dreckly. Tizzardleeon, yeow.

Enjoying a bacon sandwich moment
Enjoying a bacon sandwich moment, dear of’im

5) Budget deficit
If we eat more pasties than we can afford we’ll be broke. Like Greece. ‘Ave to exist on hummus instead of fitty traade. Bleddy ‘ellup.

6) Cyclical budget deficit
The problem of eating pasties while on yer bike, ‘Specially if you’m pushing on in order to increase your productivity (see above).

7) Substitute goods
Swap boughten pasties fer ‘omemade. Beaudy.

8) Chancellor of the Hexchequer
Some cakey tosser grizzling all over his smarmy chacks. Probably get us all mazed, seemee.

9) Go’ment debt

A very bad thing. Will eventually produce a pasty shortage. Has to be prevented by things like pasty taxes and hosterity. And making sure the undeserving poor, ‘especially in Camburn, don’t get any more saffern buns.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s